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When I need a robust business solution, I prefer it ...

Displaying poll results.
... have rich, multihomed interconnectedness.
  1127 votes / 8%
... cloudify relevant engagement opportunities.
  831 votes / 6%
... fully support my enterprise's monetization model.
  987 votes / 7%
... exemplify tomorrow's best technology, today.
  1148 votes / 8%
... empower my organization's biggest asset: people.
  2692 votes / 20%
... feature an excellent selection of marketing swag.
  6203 votes / 47%
12988 total votes.
[ Voting Booth | Other Polls | Back Home ]
  • Don't complain about lack of options. You've got to pick a few when you do multiple choice. Those are the breaks.
  • Feel free to suggest poll ideas if you're feeling creative. I'd strongly suggest reading the past polls first.
  • This whole thing is wildly inaccurate. Rounding errors, ballot stuffers, dynamic IPs, firewalls. If you're using these numbers to do anything important, you're insane.
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When I need a robust business solution, I prefer it ...

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  • by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday May 15, 2012 @04:12PM (#40009317)
    Seriously.
    • by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday May 15, 2012 @04:28PM (#40009525)

      If that's serious question ....

      This poll is making fun of marketing "terms" and buzzwords - and for good reason.

      Businesses like to make their products seem more unique than they are, to make them seem to add more value than they do and to make it sound more important than it is; hence the buzzwords and nonsensical phrases. These buzzwords are also there to obfuscate exactly WTF you are looking at and make it more difficult to comparison shop between "solutions" or as I like to call it: overpriced software. They can't call it an accounting and inventory package. No, it's got to be an enterprise resource planning software or some such thing. Can't call is a sales program - go to call it "Customer Relationship Management" package. I think I start my software company and call my "solution" CYUTA (Cute-Ah) - Charge You Up The Ass.

      One of my all time pet peeves is the term "price point" - they can't just say "the price"; no it has sound like some sort of scientific data point. And unfortunately, I'm hearing regular folks using that "term" in everyday conversation now.

      Don't get me started on "preexisting" - talk about a stupid made up work that has become a real word. That word was invented by someone in the medical insurance industry - I guess they couldn't say, "We will not cover illnesses that existed before this policy was purchased" or what have you.

      • by turing_m (1030530) on Tuesday May 15, 2012 @10:33PM (#40012677)

        One of my all time pet peeves is the term "price point" - they can't just say "the price"; no it has sound like some sort of scientific data point. And unfortunately, I'm hearing regular folks using that "term" in everyday conversation now.

        Not sure what the problem is with this really. Use of the term "price point" implies a relation between a certain level of features/benefits and the cost to the purchaser. It also tends to imply that there will be a cluster of competing products or services that offer similar features and are at around the same price - a price point.

        The reason for this is that it's cost prohibitive for manufacturers to produce and market a near infinite number of items with various combinations of features to satisfy everyone, and so they choose a set number of products to manufacture, each targeting a specific demographic or price point, with features to match. Their competitors do much the same thing, and what results is a set of discrete price points at which you can buy a given item with an associated set of features, with not much in between.

        e.g. Customer: "Hey, can't I buy a DSLR for $Y that has $A feature I want?"
        Store Sales Guy: "Sorry, they don't manufacture them at that price point. You either have the entry level types for $X and the cheaper prosumer types at this price point up here at $Z. If you want that feature you'll have to fork out a lot more."

        • by toutankh (1544253) on Wednesday May 16, 2012 @12:05AM (#40013149)

          e.g. Customer: "Hey, can't I buy a DSLR for $Y that has $A feature I want?"
          Store Sales Guy: "Sorry, they don't manufacture them at that price. You either have the entry level types for $X and the cheaper prosumer types at this price point up here at $Z. If you want that feature you'll have to fork out a lot more."

          FTFY

        • by Anonymous Coward

          It also tends to imply that there will be a cluster of competing products or services that offer similar features and are at around the same price - a price point.

          price == price point.

          One word all of a sudden turns into two. Means the same thing but somehow, two words sound more important and meaningful than one.

          Oh I wish, I wish, I could get George Carlin's ghost here to finish this post!

          • by Dogtanian (588974) on Wednesday May 16, 2012 @06:56AM (#40014707) Homepage

            Oh I wish, I wish, I could get George Carlin's ghost here to finish this post!

            I arranged a seance to get Carlin's opinion and his response was...

            "Aaaaawaaaaaargh! Aaaaargh! Make it stop! Make it stop!
            ....Oh, you have stopped?.... Only long enough to let me get my message out to all the fag-enablers of America? Okay then....
            I have only one thing to say... Fred Phelps was right. I *am* in hell and forever writhing and screaming in exquisite pain- and I wish I'd listened to the Word of God when I was alive. If you don't want an eternity of being sodomised by red hot pokers where the sun don't shine then.... repent, all you people, repent while you still can. And join the Westboro Baptist Church."

            "Oh no, not the poker again..... aaaaaawwwwwaraaaaaargh!"

            Thank you Mister Carlin. Thanks also to Joe Bigot of the Westboro Baptist Church for his generous assistance in carrying out this seance.

          • price != price point. "price" is the specific dollar (or currency of your choice) amount attached to a single product. "price point" is a small range of prices attached to a category of product, generally used to classify product ranges.

            That said, buzz words often do have real meanings and appropriate times to use them. For example, a properly run organization does experience synergy, in that a group of employees when properly managed and empowered by the organization will be more effective together than if

        • huh, huh, huh, you said 'prosumer'!
        • by Kjella (173770)

          In business it makes a lot of sense to have the vocabulary to distinguish between the continuous price on for example a demand curve [wikipedia.org] and the discrete price points you offer products at, in fact it's a very important part of positioning your models against the competition's but to the consumer it's completely redundant since they're only offered discrete prices. Everywhere you would use price point you could use price with zero chance of confusion. And if you're using price to mean an exact price and a price

      • A "solution" is what you get when you take a more or less efficient method of achieving some business goal and then dissolve it into an intractable mess of meaningless buzzwords and ISO 9000 bloat.

      • by alanthenerd (639252) on Wednesday May 16, 2012 @08:25AM (#40015313)

        Don't get me started on "preexisting"

        According to Merriam-Webster it's first known use is 1585: http://mw1.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/preexisting [merriam-webster.com]
        So it has been around for a while unlike most buzzwords.

      • One of my all time pet peeves is the term "price point" - they can't just say "the price"; no it has sound like some sort of scientific data point.

        It is a data point. If you take a demand equation and a supply equation and solve for the point where they intersect, that's your optimum "price point".

      • The price of the software
        max(([Cost to keep the company running]/Customers)*1.2, [what the market will tolerate])

        Making software isn't cheap. ((([Programmers Salary]*1.4)*[Number of programmers]+([Managers Salary]*1.4)*([Number of programmers]/6))+[Rent]+[Utilities])*[Length of time to develop]+([10% of Final Product price to sales commission]*[units sold])+([Support Personal]*[Units sold]/20)

        And if you sell it to a Business then that means you are probably selling less copies, then with the general masses,

      • by labnet (457441) on Thursday May 17, 2012 @12:41AM (#40025035)

        A marketing company doing some work for us called our web site a 'Value Added Touch Point'!
        I was telling my wife about the 'marketing land meeting' while we were driving when I needed to connect my ipad to her iphones Personal Hot Spot.
        We both looked at each other and burst out laughing thinking her personal hot spot would be a great value added touch point!

    • by spaceyhackerlady (462530) on Tuesday May 15, 2012 @04:50PM (#40009827)

      I think that's the point.

      ...laura

    • by gman003 (1693318) on Tuesday May 15, 2012 @05:48PM (#40010573)

      It's *obviously* a joke by The Editors on themselves.

      People have been complaining LOUDLY AND REPEATEDLY about /. becoming too "business"-y, too commercialized, too mainstream. See the whine-fest about /. TV, or SlashBI, or all the polls that seem to be nothing more than advertising research.

      The people running the show are trying to show that they've noticed, by making a poll that is a) the embodiment of what the haters are hating, and b) makes absolutely no sense. Seriously, "cloudify"?

      Unfortunately, Poe's Law applies here as well - you cannot make a satire of something so stupid that no one can mistake it for sincerity.

      • by norfolkboy (235999) * on Tuesday May 15, 2012 @05:52PM (#40010613)

        Indeed.

        There's so much of this crap infecting Slashdot now, that I'm unsure of what's satire and what's suit-wearing douchebaggery.

        • by idontgno (624372) on Tuesday May 15, 2012 @06:01PM (#40010729) Journal
          Poe's Law [wikipedia.org], business version.
        • Haters gonna hate (Score:5, Interesting)

          by msobkow (48369) on Wednesday May 16, 2012 @10:55AM (#40017025) Homepage Journal

          In the real world, people with complaints are the most likely to step up and scream.

          I've never seen a poster firing off an all caps scream of "I LOVE WHAT YOU'RE DOING! KEEP IT UP!"

          I, too, mourn the days when Slashdot was all about technology and hardware. But you know what? My last several jobs haven't been about the technology and hardware, either.

          For the most part, bread and butter business programming has been pretty much stable for the past decade or so. We get bigger faster hardware, we glue on web interfaces, but the core business systems don't really change all that much.

          The same is true of most commercial products. "Updates" are released that implement the latest and greatest UI metaphors from the desktop world, web services shift from static HTML to AJAX enabled "HTML5" interfaces, but the core logic and business needs are the same.

          It's been over 7 years since I worked on a project that was developing something completely new. The heyday of creativity and bit-twiddling are gone. Programming has gone mainstream, and it's all about integration, customization, and configuration of canned packages or enhancing existing custom applications nowadays. There just aren't a heck of a lot of new requirements from the business world.

          So in a market where the majority of canned package requirements have been met for a decade, the vendors and project managers are left to compete on buzzwords, because there really is nothing to differentiate their products other than brand name and cross-product affiliations, much like the mid-size car market.

        • You're just bitter because the gamification of the poll didn't incentivise synergy sufficiently.
      • Oh, so true. It was sent by the new copy and poll editor that Slashdot just picked up from Car Talk, Morden A. Groener. Unfortunately, his health insurance hasn't kicked in yet, so he's been off of his meds. I'm sure he'll get his game on eventually.

      • by sootman (158191)

        > The people running the show are trying to show that they've noticed

        They can show us they've noticed by turning off the shit that no one wants.

        > you cannot make a satire of something so stupid that no one can mistake it for sincerity

        It's a risk you take when what you're satirizing is already stupid beyond imagining. "Is this a joke, or did corporate-speak just get even dumber?!?"

      • by Bo'Bob'O (95398) on Tuesday May 15, 2012 @07:38PM (#40011635)

        I would say in this case that it's satirizing something so stupid sincerity is indistinguishable from satire. I've read marketing materials that read pretty much like this.

      • by Xtifr (1323) on Tuesday May 15, 2012 @10:39PM (#40012717) Homepage

        It's *obviously* a joke by The Editors on themselves.

        I think it actually falls into the category my mom used to describe as "just like a joke, except not funny."

        It's possible it could have been made funny, though, by making some of the terms link to appropriate places. For example:

        ... empower my organization's biggest asset: people [tvtropes.org].

      • by mjwx (966435)

        It's *obviously* a joke by The Editors on themselves.

        People have been complaining LOUDLY AND REPEATEDLY about /. becoming too "business"-y, too commercialized, too mainstream. See the whine-fest about /. TV, or SlashBI, or all the polls that seem to be nothing more than advertising research.

        The people running the show are trying to show that they've noticed, by making a poll that is a) the embodiment of what the haters are hating, and b) makes absolutely no sense. Seriously, "cloudify"?

        Unfortunately, Poe's Law applies here as well - you cannot make a satire of something so stupid that no one can mistake it for sincerity.

        So...

        Are you still interested in Dynacorps new range of dynamic honed fishtank filters? Please view our marketing material so we can justify the marketing budget needed to bombard you with more. Along with our excellent range of fishtank filters, Dynacorp offers a new range of cloud-centric streak free tank glass.

        Sincerely,
        A Hoel,
        Senior Slashdot Marketing Manager.
        Dynacorp

      • by arose (644256)

        b) makes absolutely no sense. Seriously, "cloudify"?

        I take it you haven't actually taken a good look at SlashBI? Or does it merely contain non-sense that you are trained to not question but cloudify triggers you because you haven't been exposed enough yet?

    • by TENTH SHOW JAM (599239) on Tuesday May 15, 2012 @08:47PM (#40012093) Homepage

      have rich, multihomed interconnectedness.

      Has a network port.

      cloudify relevant engagement opportunities.

      Is a web page

      fully support my enterprise's monetization model.

      Will make us more profitable

      exemplify tomorrow's best technology, today.

      Is a prototype that we hope will work.

      empower my organization's biggest asset: people.

      Gives people one more method to communicate with each other.

      feature an excellent selection of marketing swag.

      I'm being bribed to buy this product with someone else's money. WHERE'S MY IPAD!!!

      Too long have I been listening to marketing presentations. sigh.

    • (Checked comments before polling, just to be sure): it's satire, as indicated by others, but in bad taste. Mostly because /. has a lot of IT visitors who have to deal with these kinds of justifications on a daily basis.

    • by Jstlook (1193309) on Wednesday May 16, 2012 @03:51AM (#40013963)
      I'll offer a translation without all the buzzwords:

      1) ?

      2) ?

      3) ?

      4) ?

      5) ?

      6) ?

      So I offer a solution: run it through the xkcd rng, and select that number.
      If I'm not mistaken, "exemplify tomorrow's best technology, today." is the appropriate answer. Sadly, I have no idea what that means. Call the marketing department, or better yet, don't.
    • by next_ghost (1868792) on Wednesday May 16, 2012 @07:17AM (#40014839)

      I think it's an attempt to kill readers less resistant to buzzword overload.

      On a related note, never pick the complex solution. Those tend to have significant imaginary part.

    • by GIL_Dude (850471) on Wednesday May 16, 2012 @08:36AM (#40015419) Homepage
      I believe you have to pick from one of the sub-optimal choices. For example, I'd generally choose:

      "Synergize our cloudification efforts with our web 3.0 design goals and monetize the white space while capitalizing on the resources ability to execute our vision with excellence in virtualization and power our CEO's stock options in internet time."
    • Sounds like someone who hasn't engaged in the cloud.

    • by istartedi (132515)

      When a joke goes over my head I prefer that...

      [ ] It makes a "whooosh" sound
      [ ] other people in the room pause and move on
      [ ] the guy next to me whispers the explanation in my ear
      [ ] cowboy neal writes me a letter of explanation.

  • by codeAlDente (1643257) on Tuesday May 15, 2012 @04:15PM (#40009365)
    But when I do, I pound a few Dos Equis
  • by Corf (145778) on Tuesday May 15, 2012 @04:18PM (#40009409) Journal
    Seriously, I've been reading Slashdot for a little while, and the latest run of polls has been mind-twistingly sub-par.
  • I don't read /. for robust business solutions, I read it to learn interesting things. Leave the marketing to your other "web properties", this one (/.) wasn't made for that. You're killing your readership with these polls and crap.
  • ... not ask me to complete a market research survey.

    • by mjwx (966435)

      ... not ask me to complete a market research survey.

      Wanted,

      People who cant tell the difference between market research and an organ harvesting operation (healthy type-O adults only).

  • by sideslash (1865434) on Tuesday May 15, 2012 @05:03PM (#40010003)
    Isn't it obvious that the entire point of the poll is to make fun of Dilbertian corporate-speak? How could anybody read the choices and conclude otherwise? I read some of the gripes above about people thinking they're being subject to marketing research, and just have to think: "whoosh!"
  • when CowboyNeal takes my cash, but leaves my wife and dignity alone.

  • OK, you got me. (Score:5, Insightful)

    by sootman (158191) on Tuesday May 15, 2012 @05:25PM (#40010287) Homepage Journal

    Is this a joke poll, or a serious BI thing?

  • in the server room...
  • I couldn't decide, so I cloudified my answer.
  • I am off to take 128 showers. Maybe then I will feel clean again.
  • by humanrev (2606607) on Tuesday May 15, 2012 @08:26PM (#40011963)

    The amusing thing with this poll is that it indicates one of two things:

    (1) Slashdotters are SEVERLY lacking in the ability to determine satire/sarcasm from legitimate description. Maybe Sheldon Cooper isn't so far removed from the geek stereotype after all.

    OR

    (2) Slashdotters have seen the quality and focus of Slashdot degrade and warp so much over the years that these poll choices might be seen as a serious attempt at a poll.

    Of course it's satire. Not a very good one though.

  • I no longer need a robust business solution. Of course, when I was working, I was never in position to pick what software my company used because I avoided manglement like the plague, but now I don't care what software any company uses. That's why I voted for the software with the best marketing swag, because that's the only part of the I'd find useful, provided that I could get my hands on some.
  • Sounds like a Craigslist ad to me. "Must like long walks on the beach and menages-a-trois with minotaurs."
  • "empower my organization's biggest asset: people"?

    The best way to do that?

    "unemploy my organization's biggest asshats: about 2% of the people."

  • by Shavano (2541114) on Wednesday May 16, 2012 @12:23AM (#40013241)

    Any volunteers?

    • Do you have a pointy haired boss handy? He won't be able to remember it anyways because that requires braincells.
  • Have the shiniest Airline Magazine articles.

  • Let Cowboy Neal do it.
  • x) Work with browsers other than IE5.

    For fsck's sake, most business programmers act like they've never been exposed to anything that didn't have "microsoft approved" on it.

  • I don't always prefer a robust business solution.

    But when I do, I prefer it without bullshit.

    • But when I do, I prefer it without bullshit.

      Then you can't claim it is at least one of robust, business or a solution.

  • a) ... mean that most /. users understand marketing speak?

    b) ... show that /. users don't realize they can read the comments without voting?

    or c) ... show that /. users have an irresistible urge to click on radio buttons?

    • Why not all of them? But the urge is not to click radio buttons, it is to click the buttons and use it to change a counter. There is a lot of difference between those.

      By the way, do you hear those buzzwords and actualy not understand them? How could one notice when they are devoid of content if one doesn't understand them?

  • If marketing swag means hookers and coke. Hold the coke, please.

  • A computer is a solution to a business problem in the same way a car is a solution to my transportation needs. Ergo, when I go to purchase a new car, I do not say, "Gee, I'd love that four-on-the-floor solution with the blue pin striping." Solution is a freaking marketing term. It's not an industry term. Stop using it!


    Thank you for indulging my rant.
  • by james_van (2241758) on Wednesday May 16, 2012 @04:11PM (#40021073)
    to a particularly bad manager I had to work for. She spouted this gibberish every chance she got, to the point where we started playing buzz word bingo in (stupidly long) meetings. She'd get pretty upset when someone would shout "Bingo!" in the middle of her rants and at one point tried to fire the entire IT dept en masse. The best part is that she got fired because the boss got sick of her buzzwords and when he told her to knock it off, she told him he needed to educate himself and get with the times. His ensuing reaction was absolutely amazing to witness, I still smile every time I walk by her old office.

"Irrationality is the square root of all evil" -- Douglas Hofstadter

 



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