Microsoft Patents Frustration-Detection System

I Don't Believe in Imaginary Property writes "Microsoft has patented a frustration-detection help system that would monitor your computer use and biometrics to figure out when you were frustrated. It could then offer to pair you up with someone else doing exactly the same thing who might be able to help you out. Interestingly, they don't appear to use speech recognition to detect abnormal levels of swear words, but that could be due to their past difficulties with speech recognition. 'Physical responses aren't the only things that could trigger this event--taking an abnormally long time to complete a task would do so also--but the biometric aspect is certainly the most unusual. Is this patent a harbinger of a dystopian future where computer users' biorhythms will be monitored to increase efficiency? Unlikely. The idea, which was birthed at Microsoft Research, is simply a more advanced version of user focus group testing that Microsoft (and most other software companies) have been doing for years now.'"

Go figure

[suso (153703)]

Makes sense, I mean they are into complimentary products.

Keyboard and Mouse
Xbox and games
Windows and this.

Clippy Says:

[megaditto (982598)]

It looks like you are reading Slashdot again.

Would you like some help in getting back to work?

Re:Clippy Says:

[Jarjarthejedi (996957)]

A friendly paperclip is trying to give you advice on how to manage your life.

Cancel or Allow?

Re:Go figure

[Divebus (860563)]

...and millions of Vista machines suddenly explode...

Re:Go figure

[XenoPhage (242134)]

Holy crap! MS figured out step 2!

Step 1 - Create buggy, frustrating software
Step 2 - Patent Frustration Detection!
Step 3 - Profit!

Re:

[kdemetter (965669)]

When i'm frustraded at some application hanging , i take it by the title bar and shake it a few time . Helps to reduce frustrating.

I have my own.

[AetasX (1040592)]

I can easily detect my frustration level based on which version of Windows I am using.

Re:

[imr (106517)]

Which windows will detect by reading the number of letters in the OS name. [gentoo-wiki.com]

Re:

[Azarael (896715)]

This invention strikes me as behaving the same way as Homer's 'Everything's OK' alarm..

Simple Engineering Solution

[QuantumPion (805098)]

Just put an accelerometer on the user's mouse and monitor. If they slam their mouse down on the table or shake their monitor violently (or throw it out the window), then you know you have one too many "Are you sure you want to turn off the Frustration Detection System" confirmation dialog boxes.

This works for chairs too

[shis-ka-bob (595298)]

All you need is an embedded computer with an accelerometer and a transmitter on the bottom of the seat. This will make it quite unlikely to break, even if thrown.

whatcouldpossiblygowrong

[wwmedia (950346)]

HAL: It can only be attributable to human error.
Dave Bowman: Hello, HAL do you read me, HAL?
HAL: Affirmative, Dave, I read you.
Dave Bowman: Open the pod bay doors, HAL.
HAL: I'm sorry Dave, I'm afraid I can't do that.
Dave Bowman: What's the problem?
HAL: I think you know what the problem is just as well as I do.
Dave Bowman: What are you talking about, HAL?
HAL: This mission is too important for me to allow you to jeopardize it.
Dave Bowman: I don't know what you're talking about, HAL?
HAL: I know you and Frank were planning to disconnect me, and I'm afraid that's something I cannot allow to happen.
Dave Bowman: Where the hell'd you get that idea, HAL?
HAL: Dave, although you took thorough precautions in the pod against my hearing you, I could see your lips move.
HAL: Just what do you think you're doing, Dave?

Re:

[interstellar_donkey (200782)]

You've forgotten the logical conclusion to this.

Pod Computer: "It looks like you're having difficulty dealing with a psychopathic computer Would you like to be put into contact with someone who has had success with this?"

Re:

[dintech (998802)]

Confirmed. Now connecting... [linux.org]

Yes well.

[ta bu shi da yu (687699)]

They would need to patent this now, wouldn't they?

I can imagine it. You are doing something and a popup screen appears:

"You would like to copy a file. Would you like to continue? Yes/No."

Then another popup appears.

"You appear to be frustrated. Would you like to continue? Yes/No."

Think about it. With Vista, they'd have pretty much cornered the market.

So, Microsoft, by all means, patent away. This is one monopoly I'm happy to leave strictly to you.

Hey, guys

[Digital Vomit (891734)]

C'mon, guys, let's just agree to let Microsoft have this one, eh?

Re:

[Asic Eng (193332)]

I don't know - I was working under the assumption that US patents are not allowed to be non-obvious. How did they manage to get this past the reviewer, I wonder?

In other news....

[Mechanik (104328)]

Microsoft has now patented Vista's User Account Control (UAC) feature as a "frustration causation system." Combined with the frustration detection/matchmaking service, they now have found a way to defer all responsibilities for support for Vista to the community.

Yeah, this will end well.

[oahazmatt (868057)]

User pounds fist on keyboard.
*pop*
Clippy: Hi! Looks like you're pretty pissed off!
User throws computer across the room.

Re:

[StarfishOne (756076)]

Clippy: "I belieeevvee I can flyyyyyy, I belieeeve I can touch the skyeeeee"

Clippy

[Anne_Nonymous (313852)]

It looks like you're feeling frustrated. Would you like to:

• Say bad words
• Ctrl-Alt-Del
• Reinstall operating system
• Smash monitor and keyboard

Re:Clippy

[BiggerIsBetter (682164)]

It looks like you're feeling frustrated. Would you like to:

• Say bad words
• Ctrl-Alt-Del
• Reinstall operating system
• Smash monitor and keyboard

• Throw chair

Re:

[rvw (755107)]

• Throw chair

Might I suggest:

• Throw Ballmer

... and keep the chair, although I'm afraid this will result in a Blue Face of Deception, because of too little process power.

Re:Clippy

[Actually, I do RTFA (1058596)]

• Throw chair

That requires admin access.

Re:

[Xelios (822510)]

"It looks like you're feeling frustrated. This is not productive. For your own good, I am locking down the computer until you've calmed down."

10 minutes later.

"You appear to be calm. Windows must now be reactivated. Lets activate Windows!"

"It looks like you're feeling frustrated..."

testing...

[Creepy (93888)]

so the testbed for this tech was what, Vista users?

Prior Art

[Doc Ruby (173196)]

Every Windows version has included this feature. The "Frustration Detected" value is set to "ON" on the installer by default. There's no known way to turn it off, so it's 100% accurate.

Re:

[BiggerIsBetter (682164)]

Every Windows version has included this feature. The "Frustration Detected" value is set to "ON" on the installer by default. There's no known way to turn it off, so it's 100% accurate.

Actually, this was first implemented on the Mac circa 1995. As every DTP shop can attest, early Macintoshes had a sensor embedded in the mouse that detected operator frustration. As deadlines approached and the operator became more worked-up, the machines would promptly freeze up, presumably to give the operator some time to calm down.

Nothing new...

[Abalamahalamatandra (639919)]

This is nothing new, it's just the first phase of putting the WSYP Project [youtube.com] into actual use.

Law of Diminishing Returns?

[StressGuy (472374)]

They seem to keep wanting to add more features, which take more processing power, which require more powerful computers and more memory just to deal with the overhead.

Instead of continually taxing silicon based computer on the desk, can't we leverage the carbon based computer on the other side of the keyboard?. What if, instead, the focus became on designing the operating system to be as un-obtrusive and intuitive as possible? Instead of contiually adding features to constantly second-guess the user, focus on developing well written documentation and training software.

My guess is the following would happen:

Gamers would love such a system because more resources are available for games

Multi-media users would love it for a similar reason

Businesses would love it because it's easily configured to do what they need

Engineers/Scientist would love it for all the reasons mentioned above

Home users would accept it provided the documentation is easy to understand and it supports whatever they need it to support.

I don't know....

Re:

[ByOhTek (1181381)]

There is no universal intuitive, that's the problem. As an example, I know several people who use FreeBSD - they tried Linux and found it difficult/obtuse, and gave up (some even went back to windows for a while), yet they tried FreeBSD and it's the best thing since sliced bread, as the phrase goes. Likewise, I know a number of Linux users who haven't had a good experience with FreeBSD and think it's only half a step above Windows, but think Linux is the greatest thing ever. I also know great number of peop

Yes, insert Vista comment here.

[rueger (210566)]

Honestly, this thing feels like it crosses some kind of line. I'll bet that government will be first in line to adopt it (if they aren't already doing it) to "look for terrorists."

But Vista, yeah. I'd ignored it thus far til a girlfriend bought a new laptop over Christmas. Wow. If this is a finished product Microsoft really needs to rethink some things. Even when we manage to fix a problem - and every problem is described over and over in forums, but never seemingly with a reliable fix, just lots of

Twelve Years of Free Subjects

[stewbacca (1033764)]

Since the advent of Win95, Microsoft has had a free test bed of subjects for this frustration patent!

I can see the ads now

[Linker3000 (626634)]

Following the use of the Rolling Stones' 'Start me Up' for Windows 95, Microsoft launches their new Frustration Detection software to the blare of Alanis Morissette's 'Ironic'.

Two people?

[DoofusOfDeath (636671)]

It could then offer to pair you up with someone else doing exactly the same thing

What's the point of connecting two people who both yelling, "Bluescreen??? I was just about to save my work! Aaaggg!!!"

Obligatory AGK Reference...

[Androclese (627848)]

Here is a test subject for Microsoft to use... [youtube.com]

Genius Idea...

[Se7enLC (714730)]

So now when my computer goes off the deep end with memory leaks and a bogged cpu and I start rampantly septuple-clicking things while frustratingly waiting for them to start......the computer will take it upon itself to load ANOTHER program that is somehow going to make it better?

They already produced prior art?

[kimvette (919543)]

""Microsoft has patented a frustration-detection help system that would monitor your computer use and biometrics to figure out when you were frustrated."

They patented a utility which detects when Windows is running? I thought they already did this courtesy Activation and Genuine Disadvantage? ;)

Sure, and here's the source

[Xelios (822510)]

if (Windows.version == "Vista" && UAC.enabled) { user.frustrated(); }

else {while user.notFrustrated()) {
MessageBox.Show("Windows has determined you are not frustrated. We apologize for this and wish to return you to the Genuine Windows Experience(TM) you have come to expect.";
user.judgeFrustration();
}
}

Typical "bandaid" approach

[dpbsmith (263124)]

Don't fix anything, just apply bandaids.

People can't figure your OS out because the menu commands keep moving into new menus with each release and the toolbar icons are too small to represent anything? Add context-sensitive help.

The context-sensitive help requires you to work through a clumsy twenty-step process to achieve something? Add "wizards" which force you through the twenty-step process, one slow, painful step at a time. (Converting Xerox Alto's "modeless" paradigm into a good old IBM 704 paradigm..

What they are attempting is not possible

[hey! (33014)]

You stayed up late arguing with your wife, who says you are spending too much time at work. The worst thing is you know she's right: it's not fair for her to put in a full day at work then handle all the work at home because you haven't got home until 9 or 10PM for the last several weeks.

The kids were cranky this morning and wouldn't get dressed for school on time so you had to drive them. This made you late for your emergency 9:00AM meeting, at which your boss publicly dressed you down for not be conscientious enough. Of course he's stressed out (along with everyone else) because three of the five projects your group is late. He gives you the job of figuring out how to maximize the number of milestones we hit this quarter on the late projects.

You sit down at your PC with a cup of coffee, and take a deep breath. "I can only do the best I can with the situation I've been given," you tell yourself. "There is no sense worrying about trying to do the impossible."

So you start to crunch the numbers, and a wave of anger washes over you. Nobody could have made these work; some higher up decided he'd promise things he had no idea whether they could be done. That guy is going to blame your boss, and your boss is going to blame you. You're the one toiling sixty hours a week and neglecting your health and family obligations, and for middling pay because as a "professional" you are expected to work overtime for free. You'd quit except that your daughter has had leukemia (now in remission) and there is no way you could get her covered under new insurance.

"You seem to be having trouble with pivot tables," chimes in Mr. Clippy, "would you like to be put in contact with a user who isn't a useless piece of shit like you? Or shall I bring up the home page of the Jack Kevorkian Institute, which three out of five users in your situation find helpful?"

Therein lies the problem. You can't interpret biological stress markers without knowing the situation the person is experiencing. The answer to the problem of software that users can't use is to detect this in usability tests before you release it, not to make ill advised attempts to magically fix the problem. And note the implicit definition of the problem: the users don't know how to operate the software. This certainly is one way to define the problem, but another would be the software isn't easy enough for users to learn and/or use.

Why?

[rolfc (842110)]

Wouldn't it be better with a frustration-elimination-system?

Computers are too dumb for this

[Nerdposeur (910128)]

So let's get this straight. I'm the rational being, frustrated with this machine because it doesn't respond helpfully to my requests. So they want the computer to be able to recognize my frustration and... do what? Start working? Play soothing music?

If the thing is smart enough to know WHY I'm frustrated, it would be smart enough to fix the problem. More likely, it will guess wrong and frustrate me further. "Dangit, stop formatting this paragraph as a bulleted list," I say, and up pops Clippy. "I see that you're frustrated. Are you trying to make a bulleted list?" Cue explosion noises.

Also more likely is that the computer will waste computing power running its frustration-detection algorithm, bog down, and - surprise - frustrate the user.

Hey, how about just making computers that work better?

Popup dialog

[DeVilla (4563)]

You are either growing frustrated or you are having a heart attack. Shall I notify the administrator?

In Related News

[Greyfox (87712)]

Apple has patented a smugness detection process. If you are sufficiently smug while using your Apple computer, the machine will now give you a pat on the back. if you are not sufficiently smug it will automatically shut down and install Windows.

How about fixing the real problem?

[HomerNet (146137)]

While this is a nifty keen toy to play with (Skipper!), how about simply making the software so it's not frustrating? That may seem like an oversimplification, but seriously, that's all you really need to do. Microsoft is sinking tons of money into what will essentially become a social network of bandaids and hacks to kludgy software. This not only becomes a problem on the front line, (User is trying to connect to a network share the sysadmin had purposely locked down to just Systems Support personal, Clippy 2.0 - Return of Clippy detects this and connects the user with a script kiddy who shows them exactly what to do to compromise network security to get to files the user didn't need any access to whatsoever) it's a money loser from end-to-end. Microsoft is paying for it's development and support, OEMs and companies are paying to purchase it as part of the OS/Office software, end users are paying for not just the add-on value to the base price of the software they're purchasing, but also the support costs when the thing breaks.

Re:

[peragrin (659227)]

If OSX is frustrating you , then you are thinking to hard. while I used to think linux could be as bad as windows at times, now it's not so bad.

I found that after years of using windows and Linux that with OSX I was Over thinking things. The thing with OS X though is that you can do 90% of the tasks with just a mouse.(and spend $5 more and get a real three button mouse with a scroll wheel, the OS supports it and you can do so much more) Stop and think it out logically. to adjust firewall settings, Syste

Re:

[ByOhTek (1181381)]

OS X doesn't frustrate me except for two small factors: (1) when it crashes, that annoys me - but I've had that with all OSes so MacOS shouldn't feel special here. (2) The menu bar is always at the top of the screen instead of with the window it controls, and you only get one menu bar at a time due to that (and a lot of mouse/head motion to go back and forth).

I for one...

[jcaldwel (935913)]

Er... nevermind.

Re:

[jellomizer (103300)]

Well to be more fair it will probably be more like this.
If (OS.Name.toString.split(" ")(0) == "Windows" && (OS.ActiveApp.Creator.toString.split(" ")(0) == "Microsoft" || OS.ActiveApp.ErrorCount > 2) {
      return 1;
}

Can I have my PHD Now?