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Smilin' Bob Not Smilin' Anymore
Journal written by lpq (583377) and posted by
ScuttleMonkey
on Mon Sep 01, 2008 05:07 PM
from the at-least-he'll-be-popular-in-prison dept.
from the at-least-he'll-be-popular-in-prison dept.
Consumerist reports an Associated Press release that Steve Warshak, 42, was found guilty of 93 counts of conspiracy, fraud and money laundering. His 75-year-old mother, who has cancer, was found guilty of conspiracy and other charges, and was sentenced to 2-years, but is free pending appeal. US District Judge Arthur Spiegel, in Cincinnati, OH, denied Mr. Warshak's request to remain free pending appeal, but gave him 30 days to wrap up his affairs and report to prison. Besides Enzyte, Washak's company, Berkeley Premium Nutraceuticals, who also distributes products to boost energy, manage weight, reduce memory loss and aid sleep, will be allowed to stay in business — but must forfeit $500 million. Among their most egregious offenses was a requirement of a Notarized statement from a doctor certifying that they had a small penis. Amazingly, remarkably few customers availed themselves of the refund offer. Unfortunately, it looks like the commercials will still be able to continue...
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Snake Oil (Score:5, Informative)
Re:Snake Oil (Score:5, Insightful)
People with little dicks will do anything for a cure. One that doesn't require them telling people about their sexual problems is even more likely to make money given their desperation.
Parent
Re:Snake Oil (Score:5, Funny)
People with little dicks will do anything for a cure.
Really? I wouldn't know. :-)
Parent
Re:Snake Oil (Score:5, Funny)
That reminds me of a conversation I was having with my brother about how much we hated our toilet because you always ended up touching the bowl. A friend of ours walked in on this and said,"Really? I've never had that problem." At which point we both collapsed laughing.
People should put more thought into toilet design. :)
Parent
Re:Snake Oil (Score:5, Funny)
Parent
Re:Snake Oil (Score:5, Funny)
I've heard it as two Texans, and the punchline was "and the bottom sure is muddy".
Parent
Re:Snake Oil (Score:5, Funny)
A guy walks up to a urinal to take a piss and whips out his unit. He can't help but look over at the guy on his right, a dreadlocked Jamaican dude, and is astonished to see that he has a tattoo on his penis that says "WY".
"Hey, we've got the same tattoo!" he says, pointing down. The Jamaican looks over, and sure enough the first guy also has "WY" tattooed on his penis.
"Of course you can't see the whole thing," says the first guy, "when I'm, uh, at my best, it reads 'Wendy'. That's my girlfriend's name!"
"That's cool mon, real cool" says the Jamaican dude. There is a brief pause.
"So, what does yours say?" asks the first guy.
"Mine says, 'Welcome to Jamaica mon, have a nice day'!"
Parent
Re:Snake Oil (Score:5, Funny)
Parent
Re:So because bash.org's been down for a few days. (Score:4, Interesting)
*shrugs* It's actually somewhat on topic, so I think it'd be sort of encouraged.
I'm just disappointed that the commercials will continue 'cause they always make me crack up uncomfortably. (Yeah, I'm an immature girl, oh well.)
Parent
Re:Snake Oil (Score:5, Insightful)
Parent
Re:Snake Oil (Score:5, Interesting)
I can't blame people quite as much for not understanding how to do proper research on something, or knowing signs of a scam.
Further, we here at Slashdot, who are probably biased heavily to the educated, analytical, and practical, will always see through more of the scams. A scam artist in it for the money only has incentive to improve things to the point where it fools enough of the population to get money.
Not only do they have no need to make their scam better, but there's probably a disincentive. If I got scammed on something, I'd be livid, and I'd have the time, money, and skills to try to get the cops involved. Going after the bottom quartile is not only easier, but probably safer.
Parent
Re:Snake Oil (Score:5, Insightful)
If I got scammed, I'd be mad at myself.
That said, I'd still go to the cops.
Parent
Re:Snake Oil (Score:4, Insightful)
life is all about learning from experience. everyone makes mistakes at some point in their life. you just hope that as you get older, you start making them less often. so i wouldn't blame the victim for being scammed.
however, i do get frustrated with people who continue to give business to spam sites or fall for classic e-mail scams. if people would just wise up then we wouldn't have such a big problem with junk/spam e-mails anymore. i think that's one particular case of a small group of stupid people ruining things for everyone else.
Parent
What I don't understand, though (Score:5, Insightful)
Well, that is partially true, but a lot of those are borderline scams too. Or, as marketing likes to call it, "creative puffering."
What I don't understand, though, is the insecurity about being within the normal parameters for your species. Let's face it, the human species just doesn't have the DNA for huge penises, nor a vagina design which would require one. Unless you were planning to fuck a mare, I guess. Last I've heard most women find over 7-8 inches outright uncomfortable. And most of the nerve endings are on the outside and first third of the vagina, so basically, if there was a modification to keep her happier, it would be girth, rather than length.
Even most of the male porn stars with huge "tools", had surgery to that end.
So, seriously, it seems to me just about as stupid as if, I dunno, I were to get upset because I don't have feet as big as the clowns. It wouldn't be an improvement to walk, but, boy, I wanna be above average. I wanna be like those clowns too. 'Cause you know what they say about men with big feet. (They need big shoes ;)
I mean, seriously, when and how did the penis size obsession get started anyway? (Including all the stupidities that serve as substitute penis size symbols.) Did marketing just manage to make half the male population insecure and unhappy about being normal human beings? And we still think that marketing is a _good_ thing then?
That said, I find it ironic, but nevertheless a good lesson in that this company required a doctor's affidavit that you have a small penis, to get your money back. Because unless someone was well below the normal size for a human, they didn't need to have it extended in the first place. I would have required a notarized declaration along the lines of "yes, I'm an idiot and insecure about being a normal human", but I guess their version is good too.
Parent
Re:What I don't understand, though (Score:4, Insightful)
Once, the first man was born. Later, his brother was born and they had a pissing contest.
Marketers are happy to exploit this behavior, but they sure as hell didn't create or cause it.
Parent
Re:What I don't understand, though (Score:5, Interesting)
I mean, seriously, when and how did the penis size obsession get started anyway?
Apparently, it's not at all limited to modern western society. Tribal dress designed to make the penis seem larger as well as tribal and primitive art depicting gods and kings with rather large penises.
OTOH, having marketing play on insecurities of every sort is somewhat more recent. I do wonder about the sociological and psychological effects of having an entire society being told repeatedly that they are inadequate and their lives incomplete without various products.
Parent
Re:What I don't understand, though (Score:5, Informative)
Milk production has nothing to do with breast size. Breast size is purely how much fat is being deposited in the breast. Actually, larger breasts make breastfeeding more difficult, since the longer milk ducts have to be kept from getting bent and twisted in all that fat. The enlargement of the breasts while breastfeeding is due to enlargement and engorgement of the underlying milk glands (similar to mumps and other diseases enlarging and engorging the lymph glands). The fat deposits are on top of the milk glands.
As far as penis size goes, yes, too long is quite uncomfortable, often leaving internal bruising that lasts for days. And smaller penises actually ejaculate with greater pressure to the point of the ejaculation being felt by the female partner, as well as a very distinct and noticeable pulsing effect. Larger penises more like dribble, and the pulsing effect is also lessened.
Parent
Re:What I don't understand, though (Score:4, Funny)
Not quite (on the DNA point)... humans IIRC have the largest genital-to-body-mass ratio of any primate.
Otherwise, I hold forth the theory that the whole penis size thing was secretly started by women who resented being judged by their breast sizes.
Parent
Re:What I don't understand, though (Score:5, Funny)
Unless you're counting squirrel balls in the genitalia department...
But honestly folks, xkcd nailed this one a while back
http://xkcd.org/194/ [xkcd.org]
Parent
Re:What I don't understand, though (Score:5, Insightful)
You do know that squirrels aren't considered primates, right? :)
Parent
I'd warn against trusting marketing too much (Score:4, Insightful)
Actually, I've mostly heard that in spam, rather than from any actual woman.
I'd warn against trusting marketing and PR "testimonials" too much. Especially when they tell you what someone else wants.
As a non-penis-size (well, or rather indirectly;) thing, take diamonds. Nobody gave much of a damn about them until the PR campaign to convince men that every woman wants a diamond. What actually happened there is that they actually asked some women, and were expecting to hear them confirm that they want jewellery. To their surprise, most said that they'd rather have the guy invest that money into something useful for both, like getting a home after they get married.
The whole point of that campaign became to convince you to _not_ ask a woman. Trust _us_, not her. We know better that she really wants a diamond. Just buy one already.
Parent
Re:Snake Oil (Score:5, Insightful)
Its easy to get people to believe something they want as opposed to something they don't.
Trying to convince the religious that their religion is a sham is next to impossible.
Trying to convince the poor that they can become rich overnight is easy.
Parent
Re: (Score:3, Insightful)
How do people suspend their critical thinking enough to believe these things?
Two letters: T.V.
Re:Snake Oil (Score:5, Funny)
Parent
Re:Snake Oil (Score:4, Funny)
Parent
Re:Snake Oil (Score:5, Informative)
A lot of this seems like a dramatic embellishment. It isn't. Obviously the quotes aren't exact and the phone number isn't really what I listed (explanation for the humor impaired), this is how it works. By the time you realize that you are on some automatic plan to get crap that didn't do as advertised in the first place, they have already charged you for two months supply. And you can not return it under any circumstances.
Disclaimer: I worked with a guy that sued Berkeley Nutraceuticals.
Parent
Re:Snake Oil (Score:5, Informative)
A lot of people wrongly assume that reversing charges is one of the ways you get "bad" credit. That either you get dinged directly, or the credit card company puts you on a naughty list or something, for future note. Seriously!
Even after I explain to them, that it is one of the major reasons to have a CC and that the issuing bank is happy to find out which of their merchants are screw-ups, they only barely believe me. Financial superstition; two evils, together greater than the sum.
Parent
Re:Snake Oil (Score:5, Interesting)
Probably because most people are clueless about their rights as credit card customers. People simply aren't aware that they can call their credit card company and get instant action on any fraudulent charge.
Yes and no. Last January I had a substantial amount in fraudulent charges racked up on a credit card. All car rentals (same $45.80 charge over and over) at three car rental places, same company but in other states, all on the same day. So, I call up and explain the situation, got through to a fraud officer. He was very cooperative, had no problem admitting the charges were obviously fraudulent or erroneous (I mean, I'd have had to have rented about fifty cars to have been responsible for them.) Now, about a year earlier they'd had an (ahem) "security problem" and had proactively sent me a new card with a new number. What amazed this guy was that all the rental charges had been made with the old number which (as he said) "should have been impossible." So he wrote them off just like that. At this point, all is fine.
... I called up and told them that they had one, and only one chance to make good on this before I sued them for everything they owed me plus the damage to my credit rating because they'd already reported me. I then found out that the rental company's auditing system had already reversed all the charges anyway!
Six months later, after what they called a "reasonable investigation", these bastards put all the charges back on my card without warning, including a whole bunch of penalties. So my card is way the hell above its limit now, and they go and charge me overlimit and late fees. I'm completely unaware of this until I tried to pay for dinner one evening, and the thing came back "denied". Then I get a letter saying that they'd put the charges back because I had "activated my new card from my home address in Iowa (I haven't been to Iowa since 1973) at some phone number I've never heard of, because I was "obviously trying to defraud the company." That did it for me
After multiple conversations with their fraud department, they agreed to perform another investigation. In the meantime, I got issued another card and a new number. I'd been a fifteen year customer of this particular card, and never had a problem before. To say I was pissed off is an understatement.
After a few weeks, they completed their second investigation (I think performed by someone not in India this time, like the first one was.) Needless to say, I don't use that card anymore. Not that I expect any better from other issuers: how can you tell how a company handles their internal security, and how they treat customer relations, until something bad happens?
Parent
Re:Snake Oil (Score:4, Insightful)
Well, you did get instant action. It was just followed up with more, negative action....
Your experience is pretty atypical from what I know of. I've never really experienced credit card fraud departments directly. The closest I've come was one card where the card company caught the fraud themselves, and automatically cancelled my card and gave me a new one. This was a bit stupid on their part because they forgot to actually tell me about this so I was very surprised one day when my card quit working, but there's a reason I always carry several.
But more importantly, even though you went through a lot of crap that you shouldn't have, you still won out in the end, and you still had a lot of options left at that point. The great thing about credit cards is that they only get your money when you give it to them. So whenever you're defrauded or the company screws you over, you are the one with the money and therefore you are the one with the power. If they try to screw you over, they still have to convince you to actually pay the mistaken charges and fees. You may take a hit on your credit score by refusing to pay, but even then you should (should!) be able to get that removed by explaining the situation to the credit agencies, and even if you can't it's still a small price to pay.
This is, incidentally, why I never use a debit card. With a debit card the money comes straight out of your bank account leaving your bank with the money and the power.
Parent
Re:Snake Oil (Score:5, Interesting)
This reminds me of one instance where I was the victim of a very minor fraud.
I ordered from a somewhat shady company, and so used a one-time credit card number with a limit set exactly at my total bill.
A few days later I check my credit card online and, guess what, Shady Company has charged me $10 more for shipping than they said they would.
First thing I did was call my credit card company and ask how this was possible. Oh, they said, we always allow for up to 10% excess because people forget about shipping charges and such....
Frickin idiots!
I was able to get my $10 back, and it only cost me four separate calls to Shady Company and about an hour of my time. (I was nearly ready to resort to the Dreaded Chargeback when they finally gave me my refund.) But still, if the one-time-use card number had done what it was supposed to have done, that would have been an hour of my time that I wouldn't have had to waste.
Parent
Re:Snake Oil (Score:5, Funny)
*Well hung pool boy not included
Parent
Airborne (Score:4, Informative)
They use the same thought process that they use before they purchase "Airborne".
As a medical scientist, I cannot help but cringe any time I walk through the cashier aisle of a drug store, that is inundated with glorified sugar pills that claim to do anything from giving you more energy, to curing sleeplessness, to providing you with more stamina in bed, curing cancer or getting you pregnant (*the last couple may have been made up).
Parent
Re:Snake Oil (Score:4, Informative)
Frankly, you do have to be a bit of an idiot not to see the scam from a mile away, but just because you're an idiot doesn't make it ok for those guys to defraud you. Good to see a long prison sentence for one of those jerks, hopefully that friendly bold guy who teaches you "how to run the computer" will be next.
Parent
Re:Snake Oil (Score:5, Insightful)
Actually they are more well known as "supplements" which fit into a nice little loophole in our system.
There are many cases of supplements causing health issues and the cases have been going on for quite some time. Since supplements do not require "evaluation by the FDA" they can claim just about anything as long as there is some thread of truth to it. And remember, that long term health effects have not been studied by ANY supplement, and since this is the case, you should always be careful with supplements and ALWAYS talk to a doctor first.
Doctors will probably not know, but its better then letting the commercial decide for you. At least an educated person who can NOT disclose what you talked to them about will give you some advice verses some well-scripted commercial.
As for smiling Bob, if you notice the commercials they never once state "this will make your dick bigger". Its assumed by innuendo. They claim "male enhancement" which can mean just about anything. Maybe you will lose weight, or maybe you will have more energy...but there are millions of ways you can interpret those commercials which was what really bothered me about the commercials in the first place. However, the innuendo was so strong that you had to think they were claiming their product increases dick size.
Which is only part of the problem to begin with. Supplements need tighter restraints to begin with.
Parent
Prison (Score:5, Funny)
Perhaps his enzyte-enlarged member will make him the big man in prison.
Re:Prison (Score:4, Funny)
Parent
Prison (Score:5, Funny)
totally unfair (Score:4, Insightful)
So he has to go to prison, and his 75 y/o mom stays free? Screw that! put her wrinkly ass in the pen too.
Re:totally unfair (Score:4, Interesting)
Parent
Re:totally unfair (Score:5, Insightful)
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I'd Try for the Refund (Score:4, Funny)
If you have the balls, but not the penis, to ask for the refund, go for it.
Not that I ever used their products...
Question: (Score:3, Funny)
Do the crime, Do the Time (Score:5, Insightful)
She had pleaded with the judge not to send her to prison. "I have grandchildren," she said. "The time I have left, I'd like to spend with them. I don't think it's fair to take me away from them."
I don't understand how it matters that she has grandchildren or how old she may be. She was convicted of fraud and other crimes, so the law she punish her the same.
Bring back the bunco squads (Score:5, Insightful)
For as long as there's been culture, there's always been con men. It's always a sensitive balance for a society to decide how much fraud to allow to go on, and what to call fraud. From countless iterations of fortune tellers, to confidence schemes, to games of chance, to plain old commercial advertising, there have always been the grey areas where the clever can take from the gullible, but find ways to avoid the usual punishments for theft or fraud.
Most societies find ways to prevent too much subjective productivity from being lost to these schemes, but sometimes more than just public awareness is needed to counter the effects of such large scale con jobs. In the 1950's, there were bunco squads, or sections of the police force organized to find common fraud, such as fortune tellers, rigged games, confidence swindles, and the like. I think we could use more of those today - law enforcement devoted to tracking down leads on swindlers for the public interest. Skeptical communities and movements are nice - but very few people are really interested in learning how scams work before they're fooled by them, and it seems there's always a multiplying number of desperate swindlers looking to fool more folks out of money while hiding from consequences.
Ryan Fenton
Re:Bring back the bunco squads (Score:5, Insightful)
Sorry man. Those resource are gone... to fight the war on drugs.
Parent
Re:Bring back the bunco squads (Score:5, Insightful)
Indeed - and the war on drugs itself, I would define as a confidence scheme. Why? Because the only way people believe it's working and paying off is because of the words of those enforcing it. Meanwhile, those enforcing the war on drugs don't count the lost productivity of those jailed for minor drug charges, and can claim that every arrest saves countless productivity, and can claim, just by throwing an unlimited number of people in jail, that they're making society more productive without limit. It's a complete scam that's stealing a very large portion of America's resources mostly to feed and perpetuate its own existence, while not actually doing much to actually fight the more destructive aspects of drug use in our culture.
I'm saying this as a guy who, like Penn Gillete, has never used any illegal drugs, nor even drank anything more than a sip of an alchoholic beverage. I personally hate the idea of a substance changing the way my mind works, and love consciousness itself too much to want to mess with it - but I know a broken system when I see it, and see the "war on drugs" as a completely broken method of fixing our nation's problems with drug usage.
Ryan Fenton
Parent
25 years in Federal prison is a *long* time (Score:4, Interesting)
No parole. Maybe 20 years with time off for "good behavior".
This guy got more prison time than Jeff Skilling of Enron fame. And Enron's collapse cost a lot of people some serious coin.
Went to college with his nephew (Score:4, Interesting)
Great guy, heard some really hilarious stories about the company...grandma winning employee of the month on numerous occasions. Groups of employees taking product at work just for "fun". He told me his uncle said they sell confidence in a bottle and nothing more! The dood always had plenty of money and never went to class, but 500 million...damn!
Just Like The Urban Legend (Score:4, Funny)
"Sorry, but do to a supply chain issue, we can not fulfill your order. Here's your refund, courtesy of The Anal Sex and Fetish Perversion Company [snopes.com]."
25 years? (Score:5, Interesting)
That's an amazingly long time in prison for scamming people. He would have got less if he sold legitimate drugs that occasionally killed people.
No wonder American prisons are overflowing. Why not make him empty bedpans in retirement homes or some other yucky community service for a few years instead?